Anger

I'm not one to show my emotions....I'm pretty controlled for the most part, and like being that way.

But yesterday I was scanning the last few photos from one of my parents albums (yes, I'm still busy with that!), and there were so many boozy party pictures that I found myself becoming more and more angry as I saw them. And the more I tried to reason with myself and say 'each to their own', and 'it wasn't every night', the more angry I became seeing the happy smiley (drunken) faces in the pictures.

My anger, in a nutshell, is as follows....why were we not as important? I know, being logical, it had nothing to do with us, we were just caught in the middle of two people who's differences drove them apart, but they did what they felt was 'the right thing' and stayed together 'for the sake of the children'. It's the same as when my mom and I would go away for weekends. She chose to console herself with a bottle, instead of choosing to spend time with me. And my dad chose to spend time with my brother. And now he's gone, and my mom had her car accident....they never got to know 'me, the adult', and that makes me really really angry.

And my anger of yesterday also came from the realisation that yet another e-mail to my brother, containing new pictures of Maxine, as well as older scanned ones of him goes unanswered................why am I not important enough to even have my e-mails acknowledged? Why is his niece not important enough to him, that he never asks about her? What choice do I have......keep sending them, not expecting them to be answered, but being disappointed when they're not? Or not send them at all, which is not 'me'?

I was 'offloading' on Trev last night while running a bath, and then I randomly remembered a nice song I'd listened to yesterday through the nifty little speaker he'd bought me for Christmas (which allows me to listen to my iPod music anywhere), which I shared with him, and he reminded me that I could now listen to my music in the bath.....which I then did......and felt a whole lot better.........