My mum

 

About a week after our house was placed on the market my mum fell ill and was taken into hospital. I spent a very long Saturday night with her while she was tested and x-rayed, before they decided to keep her in to monitor her. We'd been through it many times before, and I was quite grateful she had been very confused through most of it and hadn't been aware of where she was or why......she was more concerned Trevor hadn't taken her shopping bags to the car for safe-keeping (she hadn't been shopping).

It never occurred to me she wouldn't go home again.

 

And I look back on it now and I feel so stupid for not seeing the warning signs....but I didn't.

 

My mum's GP suggested I sign a Do Not Resuscitate instruction literally a couple of weeks before then, and my mum and I had spoken about her 'wishes' the weekend after that.....and the following weekend she was admitted into hospital.....and the following weekend she was gone.

Just like that.

 

Even while she was in hospital it never occurred to me she wouldn't come home.....until the Friday afternoon when I visited her. But even then, I never imagined it would be so soon.

 

But it was, and we'd literally just started this huge HR software implementation at work, and I just didn't know how I was going to get through it all because I just couldn't take time off.......I still don't know how I did it.

Sometimes I think it's better for me to keep busy, because it stops me thinking so much.

But other times I wish I wasn't, because I need time to think and digest my thoughts.

 

I still miss my mum....a lot.....and I feel very alone without her.

I'm grateful she's not in pain anymore, and I am at peace that she knew just how much I loved her, as I know how much she loved me........can't ask for more than that really.

 

Above everything, I miss her kindness and her love. The kind that only a mother can give.

 

But time does heal, and I am feeling stronger.

But, somehow, never to be the same person now that I am without her.