I landed very hard after my holiday.....
Trevor was booked in for surgery the next day, and I was extremely worried about him.
I hate hospitals, and I was still struggling with sleep deprivation and getting out of holiday mode.
I booked the afternoon off to be with him after his surgery. It was the first time we'd had to really catch up and just talk since I'd come home. And, wow, it was revealing.......I knew Trev and his mom had had words while I was away.....I just didn't realise they were mostly about me, and how heated they were!
There are many times when I 'feel a vibe' from Trev's mom, and I get the cold shoulder treatment, but I always second-guess myself and think I'm just being too sensitive, it can't always be that she has an issue with me (about so much!).
But while I was away, she finally aired her views.....and he aired his back......and A LOT was said.
Trev hopes some of it has sunk in.....
I have enough issues with self-doubt.....seriously.....every day.
And to live with someone (whom I love) who is constantly judging and criticising my every move is quite unbearable.
I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be, but I am not a bad person, or a bad mother, or a bad wife, daughter or daughter-in-law, and I don't deserve being made to feel that I am. Honestly I don't.
And I don't know what the solution will be, but something needs to change.
I was REALLY angry a few weeks ago....REALLY REALLY angry. I felt betrayed. Still do.
But I am not angry anymore, which is a good thing.
To be honest, I am already forgetting the words, which I didn't want to forget a few weeks ago, but I needed to.....for me.
I've had a couple of comments made to me recently, that have offended me.....from my brother that I am 'very soft', and from another friend of mine sarcastically saying she would love to see my 'tough side' in action (implying it didn't exist).
And perhaps it's that people misinterpret my 'kindness' for 'softness'.
Or perhaps I am just 'soft'?
But I have achieved an awful lot in my life considering I am such a 'soft' person.....a lot that I am immensely proud of. And there is a whole heap more that I will achieve.
But, most of all, I chose to be kind.....and I chose to care about others, even if that puts me second at times.
That is the choice I make.
I booked the afternoon off to be with him after his surgery. It was the first time we'd had to really catch up and just talk since I'd come home. And, wow, it was revealing.......I knew Trev and his mom had had words while I was away.....I just didn't realise they were mostly about me, and how heated they were!
There are many times when I 'feel a vibe' from Trev's mom, and I get the cold shoulder treatment, but I always second-guess myself and think I'm just being too sensitive, it can't always be that she has an issue with me (about so much!).
But while I was away, she finally aired her views.....and he aired his back......and A LOT was said.
Trev hopes some of it has sunk in.....
I have enough issues with self-doubt.....seriously.....every day.
And to live with someone (whom I love) who is constantly judging and criticising my every move is quite unbearable.
I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be, but I am not a bad person, or a bad mother, or a bad wife, daughter or daughter-in-law, and I don't deserve being made to feel that I am. Honestly I don't.
And I don't know what the solution will be, but something needs to change.
I was REALLY angry a few weeks ago....REALLY REALLY angry. I felt betrayed. Still do.
But I am not angry anymore, which is a good thing.
To be honest, I am already forgetting the words, which I didn't want to forget a few weeks ago, but I needed to.....for me.
I've had a couple of comments made to me recently, that have offended me.....from my brother that I am 'very soft', and from another friend of mine sarcastically saying she would love to see my 'tough side' in action (implying it didn't exist).
And perhaps it's that people misinterpret my 'kindness' for 'softness'.
Or perhaps I am just 'soft'?
But I have achieved an awful lot in my life considering I am such a 'soft' person.....a lot that I am immensely proud of. And there is a whole heap more that I will achieve.
But, most of all, I chose to be kind.....and I chose to care about others, even if that puts me second at times.
That is the choice I make.
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