I'm on a funny place today....I didn't go in to work....just because.....just because I'm tired of always being the responsible one.....can't say I feel any better for it, so I don't think I achieved anything!
October was another busy month, with Maxine going on her first sleepover with her new school.....oh my, the mud that came back! Last Friday they also went to watch a young people's production of King Lear at Stratford-Upon-Avon. I feel blessed that we got her in this school and that she is having so many opportunities. On the down side, we had our first parents evening at the school, and we are still not 100% that she is in the right class. We both feel her behaviour has deteriorated because she is being exposed to the way other children in her class are behaving. Also, what REALLY annoyed me, was that it was quite evident her class teacher never bothered to read the information I sent through at the beginning of term on Floating Harbour and behavioural difficulties. I expected more from her, and she will need to restore the trust that has been broken as far as I am concerned.
Maxine is becoming quite difficult at times.....I appreciate it's her age, but we are struggling as a family to know how best to deal with her. She becomes very angry, irrational, and has even hit me a couple of times.....which is freaking me out.....I honestly don't know how much of her behaviour she understands and therefore how do you punish the behaviour?
I have been worrying terribly about my brother who still had not responded to any of my texts or e-mails. It was only when I texted his wife that I got a response from him. I don't know.....I just find it so hard to accept that that is the way it is to be. Why am I not important enough for him to want to know me?
Even the scanned photos I sent to him went unacknowledged.
Ditto for the in-law situation at home.....I always feel it so much more at this time of year when I could really do with some support. I realise more and more the relationship is a one-sided one, and I am doing all the giving. And I am struggling more and more to keep my mouth shut at all the snidy comments.
So, in short, whilst I'm making all the motions, I am just not 'here'...not in a good place...I suppose just tired.
And, wow, reading this back to myself, I really am a negative soul at the moment.....but I guess that's just where I am at......I know I'll bounce back...always do...but just not feeling it right now.
It is December. You are tired. Cut yourself some slack. I hope you get the problem with Maxine's teacher sorted. I wish I could give you advise about your daughter's behaviour...but I really don't know what is typical of her condition...so all I can send is hugs and prayers.
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I can't say 'this too shall pass' but do know that in some way, it will, or at least you'll grown beyond it. Feeling rejected and misunderstood is difficult. Keep being true to you and please be gentle with yourself ... you're going through you some murky waters and only you can look after you as you need to be looked after. I'm glad you took the day off for yourself. Hang in there sweetie!
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