On acceptance

I went on a course a few years ago where the trainer said something in passing that really hit a nerve with me.........that you have to accept where it is you came from, because that's the part of you that you cannot change ...... I cried all the way home.

For as long as I can remember, I've kept myself busy with the present and the future, refusing to acknowledge my past nor allow it to affect me....in hindsight, it wasn't the best strategy, because every time I slowed down, or things became a bit wobbly, I crumbled. And I could never understand why, and it made me feel even worse about myself, and I honestly thought there was something wrong with me.

I borrowed a word for this year (thank you, Lynette)...it was 'breathe'. But this year hasn't been about breathing for me, but about 'acceptance'.....I'm not there yet, but I am clearer about where it is I need to go.
Without acceptance, I can't let go of the past....without acceptance, I can't honestly embrace my present.....so, for me, it is the first step.

And it's not all bad.......I have many wonderful memories from my childhood, and I truly love and respect my parents. I hold no bad feelings towards them; but there is sadness. And I miss my dad terribly.
But I cannot change the past, it happened, and it doesn't make me a freak, nor a failure.

I've worked hard, tried hard, made some mistakes along the way, but achieved and overcome so much more than I ever thought possible.......
I have a wonderful husband, and a truly remarkable daughter......
I am so much more than just okay.......I just need to 'accept' it now.