I wasn't very happy the last weekly update I did, mainly because my words were very harsh.....I've had time for things to settle down now, and have spent A LOT of time mulling things over. I've also been reading a book about survivors of domestic violence, and it has made me realise there is a very big difference between the kind of stories I am reading about, and the ones I lived through.
And, Wendy, you are right, there is another side to the story, and this book I'm reading is making me realise more and more that my dad was simply trying to do his best in a difficult situation. And he was disciplining (us) as he had been taught by his parents, and he was stuck in an unhappy marriage, trying to do 'what was best'. And, I heard my mother say things to him that I would never dream of saying to anyone. It's not a defence, but it certainly was a contributing factor.
My dad never neglected us....ever....in fact, I remember him pushing us to do our best, get proper education so that we had choices in life...and he never let us want for anything.
I love my dad...it's just sometimes hard when I hear some of the things that were said and done, to reconcile the two sides of his persona.
And I miss him too.....as much as what I wish I could hear him say "I'm proud of you", so too do I wish I could say to him "I'm sorry".
Such true words Mariette - there are always three sides to every story! Just know that I am sure he is very proud of you and he has already heard your apology. We all do the best with our knowledge and resources at any one time, we may all look back and see we could have done things differently but as long as we know we did our best with what we had no one can judge. Cwtches Cx
ReplyDeleteYou know...your post made me think. The last few weeks of my father's life at the beginning of the year was a period of healing for me too. Of letting go. Of loving unconditionally. I guess we are all formed by circumstances...but ultimately the Lord was in control and what He allowed can become either something beautiful brought forth from pain or something bitter and twisted. I know that I chose to be moulded into what He wanted me to be...and there is no space for bitterness, hatred or regrets.
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