Adaptation

I've always thought I had a really useful life skill.....I can readily adapt in most situations, changing my 'hat' as it needed to be changed, and focusing solely on the task at hand. It's always allowed me to shut out all that I didn't want to think about, and rather focus on the task at hand.

I read the other night that this adaptive behaviour is actually a result of my childhood. I would never have thought that. There are some fairly keen skills I have, like reading people, how to take responsibility, and how to control a situation.

But while I have learned the hows and whens of 'control and responsibility', I'm not sure about the hows and whens of 'letting go and surrendering'.

Significantly, the only time I have ever consciously done this is when I met Trevor - he was just SO different to me...still is. He can be reckless and brave, where as I most certainly am not; he loves making last minute plans and running with them (I've come to enjoy these, I must be honest)......I could ramble for hours.....but from the beginning we laid ground rules....trust and respect and honesty.

Together, we are better individual people....and I think that's what it's all about.

But there is an underlying emptiness and unhappiness that has always been within me, and I have never known why, nor understood what was the matter with me for feeling like it when I have so much to be grateful for.
It's a feeling of being detached that has been quite soul-destroying for me at times, and I am yet to see how I am going to 'fix it'.

I've been pretty grumpy and annoyed with myself the last few days......too much to do at work, too much to do at home, I've put on weight......grumble, grumble, grumble.......

So I took some pictures tonight......... I was chuffed with this one.