Blog Your Heart - October

What a year this is proving to be, and October was another month in that journey. I'm having an unexpected learning curve in discovering my parents lives, and the new-found appreciation in them and all they did achieve. I still can't help but feel saddened by their unhappiness together in later years when they seemed so happy to begin with. But, equally, I am finding myself accepting of the fact that that's just how it was. Appreciate it, and them, as it was - they did the best they could, in the same way we all try to.

I am also realising new things about myself all the time, as well. This month it was how afraid I am of walking on my own....it sounds really silly that I had never acknowledged it before. And whilst I spoke about things that had happened to me - I didn't repeat what had happened to me as a teenager, and the combination of realising I could not defend myself, and (even worse than that) not feeling I could talk (to my parents) about it afterwards. I was mulling over this one day, and remembering something one of my colleagues had said a long time ago, that the day she stopped believing in God was the day she was running down a  hill and realised nothing would stop her coming to harm at the bottom of the hill. Don't get me wrong - I still don't agree with her beliefs at all; but I do understand where she was coming from. I felt very troubled by her words, and that night I had the strangest vivid dreams with my dad in them, something I very seldom do.

But I FELT he was with me; I felt watched over, and at peace once again.

I am seeing things so differently, viewing people so differently at this point in the year than what I did before. I will say now that I really don't like my in-laws anymore - I see how jealous, manipulative and self-absorbed they are, and how everything is just taken for granted. I know Trevor and I have encouraged this by looking after them for so many years, but it really grates on me some days. I realise the extent to which I avoid my mother-in-law's company because whilst I am desperate to have a day off at home and sort out photos and things, I would honestly rather go to work than be at home, being spoken 'at'.

That is just not how things should be....and they won't change. 

To make them change would mean his folks would move out (which they cannot afford) and not speak to us again, which I couldn't live with.

My new lady at work begins on Monday, and I am really hoping she lives up to my expectations, and takes pressure off me once she has learnt the ropes. I opened up the other evening at the dinner table, mentioning we'd hired a new member within Accounts, and straight away I got a 'what for?' comment from Trev's mom, and a 'Zimbabweans are very arrogant' from Trev's dad.......my mouth must have dropped open, I was that taken aback by their comments.......so I stopped talking and left the table to clean up the kitchen. 

What do you say to comments like that?!!!

On the subject of work, our company has decided to add photos to our organogram, because the company is growing so quickly that we are struggling to recognise employees (quite embarrassing!). 

I sent Trev my latest picture, as well as an old one from 5 years ago......I had to point out the old one!

So I guess I can't be aging too badly then!

To change the subject, next Tuesday I begin laser therapy on my feet, a six week course, so fingers crossed it works!

And my little girl goes on her first sleep-over trip next Thursday for school. She's also joined a multi-disabled football club on a Friday evening. Was a bit strange for Trev and I, but Maxine loved it, which is all that matters. Lovely coaches, though, which makes the difference.

So that's it from me.......still need to think about Christmas plans for this year.

(we tried to get Trev's folks shipped off to SA, but it didn't work!!!)